I Quit

Note to Readers: This is a story about rejection, in particular as a struggling artist. I felt it important to share another side of the art business, and how it impacts people mentally, physically, and financially. Taking on a career in art can be rewarding, but it comes at a high cost to many of us. Thank you for reading.

I quit trying to be an artist. Waking up every morning anxiously looking at my email for sales, only to be let down. Then, I log into my website checking for inquiries. Nothing. The pain of rejection has lessened over time, but it still hurts.

Every time I look at social media, I see these glamorous art features with successful artists in a perfectly pressed outfit, standing by their latest masterpiece, making thousands of dollars per month. I pause and think, “What am I doing wrong?” The negative thoughts continue to flood into my brain, “they were right… I am just NOT good enough.”

So, I haul my art to the next community market. Walking blocks in the summer heat carrying my tent and precious artwork while praying that things don’t get broken. The market starts with a few curious onlookers - I make small talk with a couple people. The hours pass and not a single sale. I pack up my things. Rejection hits me on my drive home. 

While reading my favorite art magazine, I see an art competition. I take the last $25 in my account and submit my work. Weeks go by, and I finally receive an email: Thanks, but no thanks, I wasn’t chosen. My heart sinks again. 

My spouse and I are sitting at the kitchen table going over our finances. She asks how much I made this month – I drop my head and mumble, “nothing”. She wraps her arm around me and says that it will be ok, keep going.

The reality of my situation sets in: Will have to go back to a 9-5 job, trapped in a dimly lit cubicle with no windows? I weigh my options.

I really want to quit being an artist today...but I won’t.